It is important to accept that arguments are a normal part of relationships, we're all different and where there's difference, there will be disagreement. But when arguing seems to be a way of life and leaves you feeling exhausted, hurt or wondering if you want to stay in the relationship, it's time to call a truce and sort things out.
The first step towards doing this is to understand what you're really arguing about and get an insight into your conflict style. After you've looked at both these areas, you can use some of the techniques below to help you sort things out. some can be done alone; others need your partner's cooperation.
Be self aware
Self awareness and self-responsibility are the first steps in sorting out and avoiding conflict. It's impossible to make your changes, but if you change your behavior they'll almost certainly react differently.
Assume the best- unless you have evidence to the contrary, always give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
Check your conscience- are you arguing because there's something you're avoiding, such as apologizing, compromising or forgiving? make sure you're not fighting to protect your pride.
Think about whether you're being affected by something else- don't underestimate the power of external circumstances. Are you stressed, tired, hormonal or angry about something else?
Be adult about it- do you tend to slip into behaving like a child, sulking, blaming or being obstinate? or do you become like a critical parent, condescending, criticising or punishing? An adult is calm and focused, and listens and negotiates.
Own your feelings- your partner can't make you feel something. your feelings are under your own control. If you're angry, say "i'm angry because...", not "you made me mad or angry
Yes our partner may say something and we get upset about what was said and how it was said but your partner didn't make you angry to slam doors, you felt angry about what was said to you.
http://www.freedomainradio.com/Podcasts.aspx
http://www.freedomainradio.com/free/books/FDR_3_PDF_Real_Time_Relationships.pdf
The Gift of Fear is a great book for self understanding and self protection
The best Self Therapy Books By Susan Forward; Toxic-parents and Toxic-in-laws are very helpful books that can help you deal with your troubled relationships
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